you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
