I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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