I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
