They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
