just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
