I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
And then he peed in my hair
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