A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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