Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm both gender and math confused
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
