so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Randomize
