Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
can u get pink eye on your cock?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
