Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
