If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
