I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
