Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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