you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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