yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
