So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
