I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
