We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
