After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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