Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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