Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
