All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
