im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
