So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
