no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
