i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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