Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
