just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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