Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
