im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
