It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
