I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
