So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
