I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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