Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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