living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
