we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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