We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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