ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
