my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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