My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Success! We fucked roommates!
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