Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
