I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
