Is it normal to miss your booty call?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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