Umm I'm too high to move.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
