I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
