What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
