he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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