I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
