I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
