I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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