I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
