I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
