i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
