i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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